The Lousypoet

So the trailer for the latest installment of the Twilight movies, New Moon, premiered on MTV last night. If you want to check it out online, you can see the New Moon trailer here.

All I have to say is, crappy acting and crappy special fx do not a good film make.

I’ve read the whole series (you can see my thoughts on Breaking Dawn or my review of the first Twilight film). In general, it was readable but it certainly wasn’t great. I mean, I took issue with the word “saga” applied to Twilight then, and I still do now. I understand that film wise, they have to give some clue to the common viewer that this is a sequel, but really, saga? Oh well. Maybe these will be like Harry Potter and finally get decent at film three. Too bad for Twilight that only leaves one more movie, which frankly was the weakest of the books IMHO. They don’t really have the luxury of increasing quality in the source material like Harry Potter does.

Anyhow, I know a million people are going to see this, and I know a ton of people disagree with my views on it all. So be it. To each their own. But if the film does truly suck, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

So I intend to try and start my writing in earnest tonight. I know my location, my star, and I have some notion of where this tale is going to go. Now, I need a beginning.

I’ve read a number of books on the topic of writing a successful novel. Almost all agree that how your novel starts, even as soon as the first sentence, you must have something that hooks the reader. In fact, the opening line may be the make it or break it point of the novel. So, I decided to take a look at some books that have been personal favourites, as well as some of them being uber popular, and see what the very first line was. So here’s a little glimpse;

“The escalator strained slowly upward.” – The Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko

“I’d never given much thought to how I would die – though I’d had reason enough in the last few months – but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.” – Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

“”I see…” said the vampire thoughtfully, and slowly he walked across the room towards the window” – Interview With The Vampire by Anne Rice

“The Alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought.” – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“”Too many!” James shouted , and slammed the door behind him.” – The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper

“The night before he went to London, Richard Mayhew was not enjoying himself.” – Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

“Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much” – Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

“Wind howled through the night , carrying a scent that would change the world.” – Eragon by Christopher Paolini

“Renowned curator Jacques Sauniere staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery.” – The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

So, taking a look at these examples, the first thing I notice is that all of them leave us asking questions. Upon reading Eragon, we wonder what change will come; in the Da Vinci code we wonder what is happening to this renowned curator that is causing him to stagger. We wonder why Richard Mayhew isn’t enjoying himself, what does the vampire see, why did James slam his door, and just how is our narator about to die?

Even the lines that seem a statement hint that things will soon change. Rowling’s opener states a simple fact, but because she states it so emphatically, we know that it is about to be radically altered. In Night Watch, the elevator may be straining for a number of reasons, but just the image evokes feelings of foreboding and possible collapse. Of all the lines, perhaps the Alchemist’s opener seems the flattest to me, but it still grabs the reader because we instantly know that the title character of the book is present; and what is interesting about the book in his hands? It’s also interesting that by just using the word ‘caravan’ Coelho is already giving us an idea of where and when this might be happening.

So, what did we learn from this little exercise? I guess that I need to work on my first line. What will be the question that will pop into the reader’s mind? How do I make the need to have that answer compelling enough to pull the reader along?

It seems a simple task, to write the first line, to merely get words on page so that something can truly begin. But how can the journey work out if it starts with an empty tank of gas?

I’m off to ponder. When I have my first line, I’ll post it. If anyone is reading this blog, how about some of your insights?

In this USA Weekend article, Stephen King slams Stephanie Meyer stating “Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”

King did have praise for J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books.

King was doing an interview and made the comparison when he was asked if his popularising the genre scene had paved the way for popular authors like Rowling and Meyer.

So last night I saw Twilight. Ugh. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind the book series. While I lost some patience with certain elements, it was ultimately readable and I did plow through all four books, so obviously it wasn’t irredeemable. But the film version of the first book just felt like a mess.

First off, let’s strip Twilight down to its bear bones. Twilight is a romance fantasy. The fact that Edward is a vampire has little to do with anything. The fact is, he is beautiful, charming, wealthy, and filled with the type of morals that are far and few between. I mean, the boy won’t even let the kissing get out of hand! Now, the fact that he’s a vampire adds that touch of bad boy danger. makes him stronger than the average bear, and naturally provides the books with the vast majority of their conflict. But really, this is about a girl falling in love with a boy. So, shouldn’t the core of the film be the love story? It should, but lord help me, I couldn’t see much in the way of romance here. In fact, the only real way I knew Bella was in love with Edward was because one of her annoying voice overs told me she was. Which is one of the other major problems with Twilight, we are told about things that we should be shown! Having been an aspiring writer for some time, I often read the advice that a writer must show his audience, not tell them. This theory makes even more sense when dealing with a visual format like film. I understand that in the books we were told the action almost exclusively by Bella in the first person, but in films, that doesn’t work. All the things that were done in voice overs, could have been more adequately done through actual action as opposed to the voice over.

I want to get back to the love story. Has anyone seen the movie Before Sunrise? It basically follows two characters walking the streets of Vienna. The whole film is just about them, walking, talking, spending a night together that they know will end, and that when the morning comes, their time together will end. My god, this film shows how a film centered on two characters can show characters falling in love, not telling it to us in a voice over. Why couldn’t they do this with Twilight, seeing as how the love story is what Twilight is really about? Oh right, because they had two leads that lacked chemistry, and a script that seemed determined to undermine the relationship aspect and turn this into, what, a vampire film? This isn’t a vampire movie. I don’t care that Ed and Co. are said to be vampires, this is not a “vampire” movie. I mean, why they felt the need to intersperse the scenes of the three, human eating, vampires coming into town and killing people, is beyond me. Those scenes weren’t in the book, and it helped to heighten the tension when the three arrived at the Cullens’ baseball game. In the film, by the time we see these three, we already know these three are killers, ruthless, and that Bella being a real live girl around them is a bad idea. It also took time away from developing the relationship with Edward and Bella, which is really why the story exists, and why there are so many rabid fans.

This doesn’t begin to address the wooden performances, and what felt like a really jumpy film. It just felt like the passing of time was too disjointed, and made each scene seem isolated from each other, robbing the film of a smooth cohesiveness. Also, the effects were, ahem, crap. I mean, the effect of Clarke Kent running at super speed in Smallville is better done than what I saw here.

So, is it worth watching? Only if you’re a fan of the book. If you’re a non-reader looking to see what all the fuss is about, forget this flick, cause you won’t get it at all. This film lacks heart, which is what it needed. I now understand why they fired the director of this mess and are giving Chris Weitz a kick at the can. Maybe he can work some About A Boy magic and find the emotional core of these characters. That’s especially going to be needed for New Moon, which is almost all driven by emotional angst.