The Lousypoet

So the trailer for the latest installment of the Twilight movies, New Moon, premiered on MTV last night. If you want to check it out online, you can see the New Moon trailer here.

All I have to say is, crappy acting and crappy special fx do not a good film make.

I’ve read the whole series (you can see my thoughts on Breaking Dawn or my review of the first Twilight film). In general, it was readable but it certainly wasn’t great. I mean, I took issue with the word “saga” applied to Twilight then, and I still do now. I understand that film wise, they have to give some clue to the common viewer that this is a sequel, but really, saga? Oh well. Maybe these will be like Harry Potter and finally get decent at film three. Too bad for Twilight that only leaves one more movie, which frankly was the weakest of the books IMHO. They don’t really have the luxury of increasing quality in the source material like Harry Potter does.

Anyhow, I know a million people are going to see this, and I know a ton of people disagree with my views on it all. So be it. To each their own. But if the film does truly suck, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

So here’s an interesting rumour. EW.com is floating the story Drew Barrymore will direct Twilight 3. Supposedly they’re looking at a third director because they want the third instalment (Eclipse) to be released all of 6 months after New Moon. This overlapping of production times would mean Chris Weitz, who is directing New Moon, would be unable to do the director duties on the third film. This seems a little off to me. I mean, if Weitz delivers on New Moon, shouldn’t he be given the shot at the third film? I’m guessing that Summit Films is trying to push this series through while people still give a crap. But if they really want a series people will keep coming back to, they should go for quality, not just slap-dash productions. I mean, check out Harry Potter. The films are great movies, regardless of the source material. People keep coming back to the films because they are quality, not just because they’re adaptations of their favourite books. Oh well, I guess it’s a good thing I was never completely in love with this series, cause I predict the films are going to be shite.

Meanwhile, Watchmen continues to get some pretty great reviews. I’m totally pumped for this film. One thing I think is unfair is that it is getting constantly compared to The Dark Knight. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a big Batman fan and I really did like TDK, but really, I don’t think it was as completely perfect as some people make out. Also, remember that Watchmen has the difficult task of being an adaptation. All Dark Knight had to do was be a good Batman story. I know, certain Batman films in the past have proven that it is entirely all too easy to mess up a Batman story, but I still think crafting an original story with a character with such amazingly rich history as Batman is easier than taking something as complex as Watchmen and trying to compress it all into one film.

Some Book News, Neil Gaiman has a new one coming out in March. It is an illustrated kids book with art by Charles Vess. Apparently the words are from something Neil wrote for Tori Amos when she had her baby girl. While I welcome damn near anything new from Mr. Gaiman, I can’t help but think this is Harper striking while the iron’s hot and getting some more kid lit our there under Neil’s name so soon after his Newberry award for The Graveyard Book. Of course, I’ll probably buy it anyway

In some book into movie news, Mania.com wrote this article on a planned Neverending Story remake. Seems Warner Brothers is looking to breath some new life into this series after 25 years. I suppose some spiffy effects and all will be added, but they’re saying that more of the nuances of the book will be explored instead of glossed over like in the first film. Now, I have to admit, I have yet to work my way through the book. With this news, I might just have to see if I can finish the thing.

So just a reminder that Watchmen is opening up on March 6. A bunch of the guys over at Ain’t It Cool have written some pretty over whelmingly positive reviews. Looks like this one might be a winner!

Also a rumour – Seems like Ang Lee, he of Crouching Tiger and Brokeback Mountain, might be directing the film version of Yann Martel’s novel The Life Of Pi. We’ll see…

I wouldn’t be a good Neil Gaiman fan if I didn’t mention that Coraline opened this weekend and seems to be getting some pretty amazing reviews! Over at Rotten Tomatoes, it has an 87% fresh rating after 119 reviews. The guys over at Ain’t It Cool News are all sold on it. I’m really looking forward to checking this out. Hopefully it will do well at the box office this weekend.

I read over at Mania.com that the film version of Dan Simmons’ book Hyperion has had a director named. The man helming the film will be Scott Derrickson, who recently directed the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still. Apparently the film version is going to blend two books, Hyperion and its sequel The Fall of Hyperion.

Plot Synopsis from Amazon.com

Hyperion
On the eve of Armageddon, with the entire galaxy at war, seven pilgrims set forth on a final voyage to Hyperion seeking the answers to the unsolved riddles of their lives. Each carries a desperate hope–and a terrible secret. And one may hold the fate of humanity in his hands.

The Fall of Hyperion
This densely plotted book concludes the futuristic tale begun in Hyperion . Earth has long since been destroyed, and humans now occupy more than 150 worlds linked by the Web, an instantaneous travel system created and operated by artificial intelligences (AIs–self-aware, highly advanced computers). These worlds are about to war with the Ousters, a branch of humanity that has disdained dependency on the AIs. At risk are the planet Hyperion, its mysterious Tombs that travel backward in time, and the Shrike, its god/avatar of pain or retribution. The narrative focuses on the government of the Web and its leader, Meina Gladstone, as observed by Joseph Severn, a cybernetic re-creation of the poet John Keats, and seven Shrike pilgrims, who may affect the war’s outcome. Simmons pits good against evil, with the religions of man and those of the machines battling for supremacy.

I couldn’t help but laugh. As I wrote the other day, Neil Gaiman’s book, The Graveyard Book, just won the Newbery award, one of the most prestigious awards given for children’s literature. Gaiman’s twitter response was classic, as was his post on his blog. And then comes the news that The Graveyard Book is being turned into a feature film with Neil Jordan (In The Company of Wolves, Interview with the Vampire) doing the adaptation and directing. This could bode quite well for the film! And then we have the theatrical release of Coraline, which looks simply amazing!

And speaking of Coraline, here’s a great little trailer featuring the god writer himself, apparently in his front sitting room and library.

Ahh, to have even a fraction of this man’s talent….

So after only two kicks at the can, Disney decided to pull its money from the Walden Media film versions of The Chronicles of Narnia. Usually, this would mean the series is dead, but here comes Fox to save the day! Though I have to say, given the drivel that Fox has produced, and that they are largely responsible for the death of Eragon as a film franchise, this doesn’t bode too well for this venerable series. However, Voyage of the Dawn Treader is by far a better story than Prince Caspian, so maybe Fox is jumping on at the right time. I suppose we’ll see during Christmas 2010, when they hope to get this one releases.

You can read all the details in Variety’s article here.

So last night I saw Twilight. Ugh. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind the book series. While I lost some patience with certain elements, it was ultimately readable and I did plow through all four books, so obviously it wasn’t irredeemable. But the film version of the first book just felt like a mess.

First off, let’s strip Twilight down to its bear bones. Twilight is a romance fantasy. The fact that Edward is a vampire has little to do with anything. The fact is, he is beautiful, charming, wealthy, and filled with the type of morals that are far and few between. I mean, the boy won’t even let the kissing get out of hand! Now, the fact that he’s a vampire adds that touch of bad boy danger. makes him stronger than the average bear, and naturally provides the books with the vast majority of their conflict. But really, this is about a girl falling in love with a boy. So, shouldn’t the core of the film be the love story? It should, but lord help me, I couldn’t see much in the way of romance here. In fact, the only real way I knew Bella was in love with Edward was because one of her annoying voice overs told me she was. Which is one of the other major problems with Twilight, we are told about things that we should be shown! Having been an aspiring writer for some time, I often read the advice that a writer must show his audience, not tell them. This theory makes even more sense when dealing with a visual format like film. I understand that in the books we were told the action almost exclusively by Bella in the first person, but in films, that doesn’t work. All the things that were done in voice overs, could have been more adequately done through actual action as opposed to the voice over.

I want to get back to the love story. Has anyone seen the movie Before Sunrise? It basically follows two characters walking the streets of Vienna. The whole film is just about them, walking, talking, spending a night together that they know will end, and that when the morning comes, their time together will end. My god, this film shows how a film centered on two characters can show characters falling in love, not telling it to us in a voice over. Why couldn’t they do this with Twilight, seeing as how the love story is what Twilight is really about? Oh right, because they had two leads that lacked chemistry, and a script that seemed determined to undermine the relationship aspect and turn this into, what, a vampire film? This isn’t a vampire movie. I don’t care that Ed and Co. are said to be vampires, this is not a “vampire” movie. I mean, why they felt the need to intersperse the scenes of the three, human eating, vampires coming into town and killing people, is beyond me. Those scenes weren’t in the book, and it helped to heighten the tension when the three arrived at the Cullens’ baseball game. In the film, by the time we see these three, we already know these three are killers, ruthless, and that Bella being a real live girl around them is a bad idea. It also took time away from developing the relationship with Edward and Bella, which is really why the story exists, and why there are so many rabid fans.

This doesn’t begin to address the wooden performances, and what felt like a really jumpy film. It just felt like the passing of time was too disjointed, and made each scene seem isolated from each other, robbing the film of a smooth cohesiveness. Also, the effects were, ahem, crap. I mean, the effect of Clarke Kent running at super speed in Smallville is better done than what I saw here.

So, is it worth watching? Only if you’re a fan of the book. If you’re a non-reader looking to see what all the fuss is about, forget this flick, cause you won’t get it at all. This film lacks heart, which is what it needed. I now understand why they fired the director of this mess and are giving Chris Weitz a kick at the can. Maybe he can work some About A Boy magic and find the emotional core of these characters. That’s especially going to be needed for New Moon, which is almost all driven by emotional angst.

So I was over at Ain’t It Cool News and came upon possibly the first review on the net for the upcoming stop-motion animated adaptation of Coraline.

The film is being directed by Henry Selick, known for directing Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach.

The reviewer has lots of positive things to say about the film, which has me even more amped to see it. Could this be the first truly great Neil Gaiman adapted work? Will this mean we might see a quality film version of Neverwhere before I’m too old to care anymore? We’ll see…

In the meantime, you can head over to Ain’t It Cool and read the review for yourself.

So just four days ago I wrote about the new director of the Twilight Sequel.

So apparently Chris Weitz has got his work cut out for him, as Summit Films has slated New Moon for release next American Thanksgiving (one year after Twilight’s release). Now, I suppose it’s possible that this can be done, but are you really telling me that a quality adaptation can be written, sites scouted, pre-production be done, shooting and then post production including special effects all within one year?! That sounds like a pretty ludicrous schedule to me, especially if we’re looking to have some quality product.

Now, maybe I’m wrong, or maybe the adaptation script is already done. And really, since most of the books take place in Forks, just how much scouting for locations has to be done?

Maybe I’m just out of touch with how long it takes to put a really quality film together. Or maybe Summit just figures they can put whatever shit they want on screen and fans will run like lemmings to see it. Doesn’t sound like a great plan if they want this franchise to go the whole distance with four films.

Anyway, I saw an article on this over at Mania.com. You can read the article here.