The Lousypoet

It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. It feels like I’ve been moving so fast, that I don’t even know how much time has gone by. I suppose it’s a good thing that the entries are dated. From that little bit of info, it would be 27 days since I last logged in and wrote anything.

Truth be told, that’s probably the last time I wrote anything of my novel. I was stuck for the longest time. Then, in a matter of days, I wrote a chapter that I felt was the best so far, but it also meant that significant changes would have to be made to the opening. I don’t think that has me crushed. I mean, I always knew I would have to go back and rewrite those sections, and what it did to the story makes it more… compelling? It’s just now I’m stuck again, and moving at the speed I am, I can’t get my head wrapped around it. When I get the time I could be devoting to the book, I instead sit and waste my life playing Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook. Every day I feel more like a loser.

Carolyn is working so hard at school, and some of the stuff she has produced has been amazing. But it seems every day the stress of it threatens to swallow her whole. It’s hard returning to that kind of life after so long. But at the same time, I am so proud of what she has accomplished and how far she has come. If we can just get through this term and the 3 that follow it, I have a strong feeling that this is going to open some incredible doors. Which is probably why I feel the way I do. I’m watching her fulfill what seems like her destiny. It seems all I can do is stall mine. And the worst part of that is it is entirely my fault. I do have time, I could be doing something more, but I just don’t.

Imagine my disappointment that Anne Rice has a new series entitled “Songs of the Seraphim.” I have been sitting on that title for so damn long. I knew it would be good. And now I see it in print. Don’t worry Ms Rice, I know you don’t know me and that my insignificant blog would have never come to your attention. No law suit worries here… Still, disappointed. I’ll have to come up with something entirely different. Ironically, the first book in the series, entitled Angel Time, sounds pretty cool. I might actually read it.

Which brings me to the horror that if I don’t move on this story, how long will it be until someone else uses ideas that will render my story as being a knock-off. Every day I wait is each day my ideas become stale and that some existing author is going to use similar ideas. Problem being, I just don’t feel good enough to write this. I have vague notions of how I want the story to be, but I really lack the training to make it happen. I’ve looked to see if there’s any workshops in my area, but I can’t really find anything. Not that it matters, I wouldn’t have the money for it.

I lost my dad to cancer almost two months ago. God, that’s a weird thing to type. At the time, I had no idea what to say. I thought a million times about writing about it here; writing about him. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It took me nearly a week to finally cry, and I think the tears have only come once more since then. Sometimes I feel horrible, like this should be killing me every day, but then how would I take care of my family that needs me. It hurts most when something happens and I realise he’s not there to talk to. Like sitting here right now, writing this, I feel like there’s million conversations I’d like to have with him, and I can feel the tears welling behind my eyes. I’ve never been one to believe in ghosts, or visitations from beyond the grave. But a part of me continues to hope I’ll see him. And I keep hoping that when that happens he’ll have some insight into my life that I’ve failed to notice. Yup, here come the tears… I’m not going to write a eulogy here. I wouldn’t feel like anything I wrote came close to encompassing my emotions or thoughts. All I’m going to say is that I loved him and I wish he were here. I suppose that’s enough.

Shit, I don’t know where that came from. I just feel like I’m unloading a bit. I don’t know where I’m going. I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m driving without a destination.

So many ghosts haunt me. Not the literal kind, but, well, the deeds, the thoughts, those things you hope will die with time but never do. Sometimes their weight is crushing. Sometimes I think I won’t make it. But every morning I get up and do what I can to get through the day with my sanity and family intact. Why do we sin the way we do? Are we worthy of redemption? If an angel stood before me now and said I had a purpose, and that all of this was for good reason, just what would I say to him? Thank you… probably. Just for the comfort that it all means something.

Sorry for this post. It’s all over the place, and none of those places are much fun. But I do feel better. I suppose I should come here more often. It is my space after all. Besides, it’s not like anyone even reads this stuff. But if you happen to be the one in 6 billion who does, thanks. I hope I haven’t bored you to tears.

What more can I say? This was one of those things I really wanted to experience. I’ve long been a fan of anime, and though I’ve seen the Disney-Miyazaki films in theatres, there was something about seeing Evangelion on the big screen.

Evangelion was the first show that got under my skin. It was the show that made me plunk down mega bucks for merchandise and spending hours reading about Kabbalah, the Apocrypha and the Dead Sea Scrolls. The first website I built was an Evangelion website I titled “New Century Gospel.” The first domain name I ever purchased was evangelion.ca. In so many ways, Evangelion was a seminal series for me. While the debates seem to rage if it deserves the notoriety it has achieved, I have little doubt in the influence it had on me.

So walking into that theatre tonight, watching so many scenes familiar to me from the TV series, it was like coming back home to visit an old friend. I enjoyed the film very much, probably because it differed so little from the original series. It left me wanting so badly to see the second film I can hardly contain myself. But alas, I suppose it will be at least another year-and-a-half or more until we see a decent North American version.

So, anime on the big screen was a big hit with me, and I would certainly consider going again. On a side note, it was pretty funny/cool that the film was projected from a Blu-ray DVD player. I recall working in theatres ten or so years ago and being told that such technology would never be usable. Funny how times change. At about the same time, I’m pretty sure I was told we would never see anime such as Evangelion shown in mainstream theatres.

Smell the fumes
See the vapours
Hear the engines
Taste the grit
Dream electric

So I’m currently awful at Twitter. I admit it, I’m a hardcore lurker. I rarely raise my head from the muck to draw any attention. This isn’t such a great idea to get others to follow you, or to show a publisher that you can build some kind of personal hype machine around your book, but seeing as how publication is quite some ways away, I’m not going to stress over it.

That said, Twitter can provide some links with great insight into writing in general, using Twitter, and just generally making yourself known on the web. In that spirit, here’s four links I found interesting today;

Cheryl Klein posted four techniques to get to the emotional heart of your story. It’s quick, to the point, and extremely useful.

Jo-Lynne writes a great article giving seven ways to be worth following on Twitter.

Following this link will give you some great tips on being creative.

Finally, if you want to get more interactive on Twitter, this link will give you some great points.

As children we are giants,
straddling the world with impunity,
immunity, immortality.

The playground is our kingdom.
A place of wonder,
speed and gleeful terror.

A swing is capable of
reaching to the clouds.

The slide is a mighty
mountain for us to climb.

The backdrop to
our first hesitant steps
of romance.

A first kiss,
engraved initials.

Then it rusts,
fades.
We turn our backs
and reality crashes in.

The Silent Guardian waits.
Weary, wary.
The songs of the dead
are for his ears alone.

A heavy burden,
borne with dignity.
An unenviable duty,
shouldered bravely.

Yawn wide world,
let the silent symphony continue.
Pleasure to angels,
unnoticed by men.

Just a quick couple of notes.

On my own writing front, I currently sit at 12,000 words and 40 pages. But the past two nights have yielded some sweet fruit. Talking to Carolyn about the story, between us we’ve come up with some key scenes, a running gag that I think will add some great little laughs for the series, and the grand-daddy end of the whole thing. In all, a pretty good two days’ work.

Now two links that I’m posting for myself and the interest of anyone who cares.

First up is Vonnegut’s Eight Rules of Writing Fiction. Sweet, simple, and so damned to the point that it’s hard to not be inspired by them.

Secondly, a link in regards to Guidelines for writing Young Adult Novels. Since my particular book is currently aimed at this demographic, I found this short, simple, yet informative article pretty damn handy.

Finally we have some writing tips from the Godfather of Horror, Mr. Stephen King. In the ten minutes it takes you to read the article, Mr. King promises to teach you all that is needed to write a novel. And the funny thing is, I actually did…