Which of course is the natural response when you live in our “pill for everything” kind of society. But is that really the answer?
So here’s the deal. I’m tired in ways that no amount of sleep seems to cure. I constantly feel distracted and find it very hard to settle into one task (for instance, I’ve thought of numerous blog posts to write and instead played Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook). My temper is quicker to flare, I raise my voice more often and I’m downright unhappy. Someone at work said maybe I was still grieving for my dad and just didn’t know it. Maybe. I do feel losing my dad plays a part, but not so much the grief. I think it just adds to this feeling of melancholy and disillusionment. For instance, I said to someone that I hoped there was no God, because if there was he was obviously an asshole that I had no desire to meet. I didn’t used to feel that way. I didn’t used to feel like life was a never ending challenge that had no end or reward. Yet, that’s exactly how I feel now. I get no true joy out of my life, and that I think is the biggest problem. And I realise that it is my problem. My kids have their challenges, but they’re kids. It’s not their job to make me happy (some days it feels like the exact opposite). Technically, it’s not even my wife’s job to make me happy. I need to find this for myself. But the worst part of how I feel right now is that I’m not sure I would make the effort. I am just so blase about everything and have zip in the way of motivation.
So do I need pills? It’s nice to think that there’s something wrong with my wiring and that a single happy pill each day would make me feel right as rain. But I think in the end the truth is that I need to eat better, get more sleep, exercise, and find some kind of hobby that acts as a stimulant and an outlet. I need to find some motivation and time….
Sorry. I’m just complaining. But it’s my blog, so I’ll cry if I want to
So I find myself on the fence in regards to the Olympics. Following Twitter and friends on Facebook, you’d think Canada had found the cure for cancer during the opening ceremonies. Sentiments such as, “I’ve never been prouder to be Canadian” were fairly common. Though I did get a laugh out of the few people who pointed out the particularly phallic nature of the large ice sculptures.
Similar sentiments of national pride erupted when Alexandre Bilodeau won the first Canadian gold medal on native soil.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand feelings of national pride. I’ve even felt similar feelings as I’ve watched the Canadian Women’s Hockey Team destroy every team they’ve faced. But there needs to be some perspective here. Being proud of your countrymen and their accomplishments is admirable. Being proud that we are hosting these games and that in spite of Mother Nature’s lack of cooperation, the events are still taking place is a perfectly fine feeling. But to have these games and any of their results be a source of your greatest sense of pride in your country? That seems to ignore the numerous accomplishments this young nation has managed.
When I first saw the poem by Shane Koyczan performed at the Olympic opening ceremonies, I had what is probably the typical Canadian response, which was, “should we really be bragging?” But after the outpouring of national pride over medals, I gave this poem a closer listen. I realised, that this is in so many ways why we should be proud. And does the poem contain a single “proudest moment?” No. Which is as it should be. No nation, not one that seeks to grow, learn, explore, and be more than it was yesterday, should have any one proudest moment. It should have a string of events and accomplishments that weave a tapestry of pride and joy.
You know what makes me proud when I watch the Olympics? That the stands are filled with people wearing Canadian flags, who shout and cheer when our nation does well, and all of them are different colours, ethnicities and backgrounds. It is a testament to our nation’s ability to take the numerous and disparate and create a country united. We don’t always get things right, and there’s always going to be someone that has to ruin the party, but in general, we are making strides that the world as a whole is failing at. In most major Canadian cities, there are Mosques, Christian churches, Synagogues, Hindu temples and all other manner of religious houses, all within walking distance. Do we have jihads every day? No. So if Canada can make it work on a local scale, perhaps there is hope for an international model.
The Olympic Games are just that, games. Whether we win or lose, means nothing to the greatness of our nation, or the superiority or inferiority of any other nation. There is skill, but there is also luck involved. Be proud when the home town team is doing well, but when they lose, admit that we got beat fair and move on with life. Don’t forget that pride though, because there are so many other things to attach it to; accomplishments realised and in progress that deserve to ignite our patriotic flame. Canadians do patriotism so badly. We really need to work on that….
Ive been mulling over a new story these past couple of days. Like so many of my ideas in the past Im at that early love stage where Ive yet to become alienated. Im sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen. While Ive thought about the opening, I think Ive invested a little too much time in looking toward the direction of the story as opposed to actually writing it.
Now I find myself at the beginning and no matter what I write it just doesnt seem right. Sometimes the beginning is the hardest place to start. I suppose Im putting too much pressure on myself. The great audience catching opening can come in a later draft. For now, I should just try to actually write something from beginning to end. Maybe this will be the one. Or maybe this will be false start number 10.
